This week I went to a conference in Jerusalem about attachment.
Most of the audience were moms.
I’m not a mom.
But I went anyway.
I went with my sisters, and it turned out to be one of those days that makes you slow down and actually listen inward – to understand a little better where reactions, fears, and patterns really begin.
My sister Almog works as a breastfeeding and sleep consultant in an attachment-based approach, and her mentor invited us. I wanted to understand the world she believes in so deeply. But I also came because I truly feel attachment shapes almost every layer of our lives – not just parenting.
I didn’t expect to spend most of the day quietly thinking about my inner child.
But that’s exactly what happened.
Breakfast, Books, and That Soft Start
Before anything even began, we were welcomed with the most generous breakfast spread. The kind that makes you slow down without anyone asking you to.
There were colorful salads with herbs and feta, warm shakshuka, little sandwiches, pastries, dips, fresh veggies, coffee – everything looked homemade and thoughtful, like someone genuinely wanted us to feel taken care of.
Next to the food was a book stand filled with titles about attachment and emotional development. Obviously I couldn’t ignore that. I bought two books that spoke to me right away. I love leaving days like this not just inspired, but with something to keep exploring after.
Then we walked into the hall.
The conference opened with Rita and Hani, the organizers.
From the moment they started speaking, the room felt different. Not formal. Not performative. Warm, grounded, human. It felt like a space where emotions weren’t something to fix – just something to notice.
They spoke about connection not as a technique, but as a way of being. About slowing down, listening, and remembering that beneath behavior there is always a need, a fear, or a longing.
It didn’t feel like a lecture.
It felt like an invitation.
And that tone stayed with me through the rest of the day.
Rita — Attachment Starts Before We’re Even Born
Rita, an expert in the feminine attachment approach and my sister’s mentor, opened the lectures with something that completely shifted how I think about beginnings.
She spoke about how a mother’s emotional regulation during pregnancy already shapes the baby’s nervous system before birth. Stress, depression, and maternal pressure don’t just stay “emotional” — they affect the fetus biologically through the intrauterine environment.
The nervous system and brain develop in the womb, and prolonged exposure to cortisol — the stress hormone — directly influences neuron development, brain volume, and key structures like the amygdala and hippocampus, which are connected to memory, emotional regulation, and fear responses.
In other words, primary attachment doesn’t start at birth. It starts in the womb.
When there isn’t stable emotional regulation from the mother, less helpful patterns can begin forming already at the fetal stage. Rita described this as “fetal trauma” — trauma that isn’t stored in verbal memory, but in the body: in survival mechanisms, defense patterns, and automatic responses.
She connected this to life patterns we see later — extreme people-pleasing, dependence on love, self-exhaustion, difficulty with boundaries, constant need for approval. Not as personality flaws, but as early survival strategies.
She also spoke about dopamine and the reward system — how babies regulate through a mother’s face, voice, gaze, and emotional presence. When regulation is missing, a neurochemical deficit can form, affecting motivation, comfort-seeking, and even compulsive behaviors later in life.
And then there’s epigenetics — not changes in DNA itself, but in how genes are expressed. Stress and trauma can pass between generations until a conscious, healthier environment helps “switch them off.”
Her central message stayed with me:
The psyche becomes physiology.
Emotional wellbeing in parents isn’t just emotional — it’s biological, intergenerational.
While listening, I kept thinking how early our systems start learning whether the world is safe… or overwhelming.
Michal — When the Brain Thinks We’re in Danger
Then came Michal, a PhD candidate at Tel Aviv University researching the connection between the brain and emotion. This was the lecture that touched me the most.
She explained that the brain works through two parallel systems:
one that collects sensory information from the world, and one that constantly predicts what’s about to happen next.
Anxiety forms when these two systems fall out of balance — when the senses are flooded with perceived threat, and the prediction system can’t calm things down with messages like “this is temporary” or “this will pass.”
In those moments, the body gets stuck in survival mode. The amygdala activates, the nervous system goes into alert, and the experience feels like an existential threat – even if the situation itself isn’t life-or-death.
Here’s the part that hit me personally.
The ability to create calming, regulating predictions develops over years and only fully matures around age 26. As infants, we don’t have this system. We borrow it from caregivers. From eye contact. From a soothing voice. From someone showing us, through presence, that distress doesn’t last forever.
When enough emotional regulation is missing in childhood, a gap forms between senses and predictions. The body grows up interpreting everyday situations as much bigger threats than they are. That’s how we get intense emotional reactions, relationship conflicts that feel catastrophic, or moments where we shut down, panic, or freeze.
While she was speaking, I wasn’t thinking about parenting.
I was thinking about my own inner child.
About moments when my reaction is bigger than the situation. When my body goes into an overwhelm fast. When I feel like I’m fighting something huge, even if on the outside it looks small.
Instead of judging those parts of myself, it suddenly made sense. Those reactions weren’t random. They were younger nervous system patterns trying to protect me.
And the hopeful part?
Michal emphasized that this isn’t a life sentence. The nervous system is flexible. Through safe relationships, awareness, and emotional work, we can build new internal predictions. We can teach the body that the world is safer now than it once felt.
That idea stayed with me long after she finished speaking.
Elisheva — Our Relationship With Money
Then Elisheva, a coach who works with money consciousness, took attachment into a completely different area: our relationship with money.
She presented money as a relationship, just like any other. Not good or bad, but a neutral force that amplifies who we are. The biggest block to abundance, she said, isn’t financial — it’s emotional.
Shame.
So many of us carry shame around wanting more. Shame about success. Shame about pleasure. Shame about not struggling “enough” to deserve comfort.
That shame creates contraction. It makes us push money away, not consciously, but emotionally. We tell ourselves stories like “it’s too much,” “I’m not worthy,” or “it’s not moral,” even when nothing immoral is happening.
She spoke about healing that shame both cognitively and emotionally — allowing ourselves to want, to enjoy, to receive, and to say our desires out loud without apologizing.
What stayed with me most was realizing how something that occupies all of us — money — is still surrounded by so much silence and shame. I left feeling strengthened by the idea that wanting stability and abundance is not selfish or wrong. It’s human.
Gal — Attachment in the World of Marketing
Gal, who works in marketing and social media, connected attachment to the way we show up online.
He spoke about how much of social media is built on performance instead of connection. People follow formulas, play roles, and create polished identities, but lose authenticity in the process.
And without real emotional presence, trust erodes. Communities don’t form. Engagement drops. Everything feels empty.
From an attachment perspective, he said, the goal isn’t to sell — it’s to connect. Real connection requires emotional presence, consistency, and the courage to be seen as a real person, not just a brand.
It was fascinating to see attachment theory applied to something so modern and everyday.
What I Took Home
I’m so happy I went to this conference with my sisters.
I came back with a deeper understanding of where emotional patterns begin, how the nervous system forms, how attachment follows us into relationships, and even how it shapes the way we relate to money and success.
All the talks together connected brain, body, and emotion in a way that felt grounding, not overwhelming. They reminded me that patterns are not destiny. They were intelligent adaptations once — and they can change.
At the end of the day, we were given small plants with a quote that felt like the perfect summary:
“Whatever you plant, you grow. Belief is a growing force. What you believe in grows.”
And I couldn’t stop thinking about how much this applies to the children inside us, too.
Sometimes the most important thing we can grow…
is belief in them.
